How to Have more Meaning, Peace and Joy in Ramadan (and beyond)

With the month of Ramadan being around the corner, there is a wealth of reminders and resources on how to make the most out of Ramadan, for yourself, as well as for your family and children if applicable.  It is important to remember though among the many to do lists, reminders, and suggestions (which include and are not limited to decorating, iftar ideas, children’s activities, Eid gift planning, etc.), our focus ought to be on our unique priorities, abilities, and ultimately the underlying goal of growing closer to God in this blessed month.  

As a religious season, Ramadan is also a time which can bring family and community together in a spirit of peace, joy and spiritual growth.  However, with long hours of fasting and unrealistic societal or personal expectations, preparing for and observing the blessed month can have additional challenges for some, despite the desire for it to be a fulfilling time. This may be especially the case for mothers who are pregnant or nursing, working inside or outside the home, pursuing additional studies, caring for young children at home, and in some cases, women who fall into more than one of the categories listed.  Also, for people with health challenges, chronic pain, or other difficult life circumstances, reaping the most out of the blessed month can present additional challenges. Moreover, sometimes those challenges can be magnified by our own or society’s unrealistic expectations for ‘perfection’, which do not consider the imperfect nature of life and our state as human beings with varying priorities, abilities, and life circumstances.

While it’s understood that many of us want to increase in our spirituality in this month and as such we set lofty goals for engaging in a variety of acts of goodness, many of us may have also observed over the years, especially with growing responsibilities and life circumstances such as those listed above, that we need to focus our efforts and be realistic with our goals. Focusing and being realistic as opposed to striving for perfection enables us to avoid burnout in Ramadan, and for the long term, enables us to be engaged in building healthy habits as opposed to isolated bursts of good deeds. It is important to note that striving for perfection is not the same as striving for excellence or ‘ihsan’.

Striving for perfection leaves no room for human shortcomings and life circumstances – when one expects perfection and inevitably falls short of it, they may become not only disappointed but disengaged and unmotivated to continue trying, not to mention the potential feelings of anxiety and prolonged sadness that rise as a result of constantly expecting perfection and falling short of it. Striving for ihsan while understanding the imperfect nature of our state as humans and life in general, allows us to have more self-compassion – the ability to be kind to ourselves when we inevitably fall short of our ideals.

Focusing on ihsan which can enable us to build healthy habits over the long term is an approach arguably encouraged in our faith as Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says: “Know that the most beloved deed to Allah is that which is performed regularly even if it is small” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 43, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 785).  Good deeds that are performed regularly can be equated to healthy long term habits. This does not prevent us from exerting ourselves to engage in more acts of goodness in a blessed month where we know rewards are multiplied. However, this is a reminder and consolation for those unable to do everything they had hoped to do in the blessed month for valid reasons and limitations tied to health, life stage (Pregnancy/nursing/caring for young children), or demanding work/study schedules etc., that even small acts of goodness are in fact the most beloved to God, when they are performed regularly.

So my approach has become, instead of aiming for a “perfect” Ramadan (and by extension a “perfect” life), to aim for more meaning, peace and joy in Ramadan and beyond. Aiming for a meaningful Ramadan encourages one to examine the purpose of Ramadan and fasting outlined in the Quran, which is described as growing in God-consciousness (Taqwa) (Quran, 2:183).  And for me, growing in God consciousness requires me to cultivate a peaceful atmosphere in my home through remembering simplicity in decor, meals, and children’s activities. And it also requires me to cultivate peace in my heart through focusing on love, gratitude and compassion which I believe are important contributors to having a more meaningful and joyful Ramadan, and life overall.  

Love for an All-Loving Creator and Sustainer, and love for my family, for my community, and for humanity. As for gratitude, studies have indicated that engaging in more gratitude increases levels of happiness and well-being and similarly, engaging in compassion, acts of kindness to support others who may be experiencing challenges, is also linked to increasing our own happiness. These studies do not come as a surprise when our faith strongly encourages gratitude and compassion through remembering to always be cognizant of the blessings in our life and how we can use those blessings to give back to our families and communities.  Compassion in fact is one of the most often cited qualities in the Quran as it is how almost every single chapter in the Quran begins – In the name of God, The Most Compassionate, The Most Merciful.

Interestingly, in the verses discussing Ramadan, after the verse cited above about God consciousness being the purpose of Ramadan, we are told “God intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship…” (Quran, 2: 185).  If God’s intentions for us is ease and not hardship which demonstrates mercy and care, let’s remember to have this sense of mercy and care towards ourselves and towards others.  So my invitation this Ramadan is to focus inwards, on your heart, on your unique journey with God, and on the acts of goodness, no matter how small, you can engage in which will nurture your spirituality and by extension benefit your family and community.  Focus on those acts of goodness you can engage in (as opposed to the ones you can’t), which may be small but consistent.

Maybe you can’t dedicate hours but you can find some time for engaging in daily thikr/remembrance/dua/listening to Quran after prayers or while driving/cooking/caring for children. Maybe you can’t donate hundreds or thousands of dollars but you can give a small amount daily or weekly to a worthy cause while remembering that charity is not limited to giving money and that even a smile is a form of charity (Prophet Muhammad).  And maybe you can’t attend full taraweeh prayers daily at the mosque, but you try to pray what you can in your home. And maybe you can’t fast/pray for a valid reason so you decide to reach out in acts of service – no matter how small- to others around you. It could be reaching out to a person you know who is struggling or alone in Ramadan to come over for iftar or volunteering to sponsor or cook a meal for a potluck iftar or even your neighbour!

Those seemingly ‘small’ and regular acts of goodness you engage in, which can be a continuation of or the beginning of healthy long term habits, when done with an intention to grow closer to The Most Compassionate, Most Kind and serve others around you can in sha Allah enable you to experience more meaning, peace, and joy in Ramadan, and beyond, in your life year round.

Looking for more insight on how to achieve balance and increased well being for your heart, soul, mind, body and relationships as well as how to clarify your unique vision and increase your impact? Click here to register to access the free PDF Report on 7 Keys to a Muslim Woman’s Success.